Friendships

1. Thank you for taking 5 of 1440 minutes of your day to read this article on Friendships.

2. What's Worth Writing About today? Friendship. There are different levels of friendship and varied definitions of what a friend is or what a friend stands for. In this brief article, I intend to only discuss the different levels of friendships and whether it’ll serve you best to transition or move or advance a friend from one level to the next level up. There are no demotions in friendships, they end instead. There’s a marital friendship. There’s a best-friend friendship. There’s a workplace friendship. There’s a profession/career friendship. There’s a family friendship. There’s a parent-child friendship. And many other friendships that I did not mention. The key question, I suppose, is, when is it ever okay to move one friendship from one level to the other or mix or combine more than one level of friendships. Can the distinctions be made or boundaries be seen or made clear or blurred or respected? Rarely do the combinations work or rarely are they efficient, but let’s dig in below.

• Marital Friendship. Of all the friendship types or levels, this is the most important or should be the most important. Even Scripture, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, indicates that it’s the strongest of all bonds, and should be appreciated as much. A marriage without friendship, and a good common friendship at that, is doomed and will eventually fail or fall apart. If you’re not friends with your spouse, rethink your marriage. If you’re not yet friends with your spouse, but it’s possible to do so, do not delay. It’s not necessary to become the best of friends; it’ll be sweet if you’re, but it’s not required to have a good marriage. All that’s required for a good marriage is basic friendship and respect for each other. Add deep admiration for one another, and you’ll be in heaven. Some may call their spouse their BFF, but they usually aren’t if you ask a few follow up questions. A basic common friendship will do, be genuine, be respectful, that’s all that’s required.

• Best-Friend Friendship. This word is thrown around easily, BFF this, BFF that; but not all best friends are truly best of friends. Sometimes, people use the term to flatter the intended target so as to win a favor. But in reality, there’s no intention to return the favor. I believe best friends are those who do not hide much from each other, and respect each other deeply. Sometimes, there’s even deep admiration of each other; but this is rare. Personally, I rarely use this term towards anyone, lest I be disappointed. I’ve had my share of disappointments, I don’t court for more.

• Work/Profession/Career Friendship. The best saying that summarizes this level of friendship - ‘leave work at work.’ Do Not bring work home - whether it’s actual work that’s part of your job description, or inviting a colleague home for any occasion, or dating a fellow colleague, etc. The variations can run the gamut. The short of it is that these usually don’t end well. Sometimes, they set you back not only professionally or in your career, but also socially, and personally. Once again, buyers beware; lest you face buyer’s remorse.

• Family Friendship. This is friendship in the family but beyond the nucleus family. Friendship in the extended family. Nothing wrong with a generic coded friendship. But sometimes anything beyond that or closer than that level of friendship is courting trouble. Some use the family or blood connection to take advantage of otherwise normal respectable courses of friendship or business. In other words, they abuse the relationship. You’re forewarned, buyers beware. An extension of friendship closer than necessary might come to bite you in the butt.

• Parent-Child Friendship. A parent’s first priority is being a parent. He or she must be a parent to the child at all times, even when the children become adults. The child must always give the respect due the parent, even after they become adults. Even Scripture blesses children who honor their parents. And Scripture equally warns against parents who antagonize their child. A parent and a child can be friends in the generic sense, in that they’re cordial towards one another, and afford each other the common courtesy afforded all others. However, a parent and a child cannot be best friends in any shape or form. This blurs the lines, and when disrespect enters or crosses the boundaries, it doesn’t end well. One should always be alert of the boundaries and do their best not to cross them.

3. Thank you again for your time today.

4. It’s important that one chooses wisely who belongs in what level of friendship. It’s also important that one respects the boundaries of the levels of friendships. Cross pollination so to speak sounds sexy, but it’s not always the best. What are your thoughts? What has been your experience? Please share! Who The Cap Fits, Let Them Wear It.

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